First time here...my husband has been diagnosed with throat and neck cancer. [...]

HI kat my husband was diagnosed with cancer of the neck and at the back of his tongue in December 2012, He underwent 35 rads and 3 sessions of chemotherapy. He has now thank God been clear for 12 months. The treatment causes problems, initially excess mucus and mouth sores, and also probs with saliva glands but hey he is still with me. He has not got much of an appetite but I wish your husband well. Let me know how he gets on.

Hi Kat -
Statistics are a double edged sword - I know you're looking for some comfort and knowledge but numbers can both encourage and discourage you and your husband. Cancer diagnosis and treatment is as unique as the patient - its something that needs to be taken a step at time.

Most importantly, don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed. Cancer is a frightening diagnosis - but it is not some mythical monster. It is treatable and survivable although it can be a frustrating journey. What is most important now is understanding the diagnosis and what the treatment will be. Stay in touch with patient groups since they will provide you the most valuable information when it comes to side effects and solutions. As unique as the patient is so is the response to treatment and the resulting effects of treatment.

Stay positive and stay in touch. There is just as much reason to believe both your husband will get thru this experience with good results. I'm here to testify to that - as my oncologist once said, "we have a lot of hills to climb with you". Seven years later and I'm still around to offer my opinions... 🙂

Onward!

- Jeff

Thank you so much for writing. Yeah, we say take it one day at a time.<br />
Some days we can, I can and he can but some days I just start thinking how<br />
much his life is going to change...then comes our life and wow it can be<br />
overwhelming. We have a daughter who has physical challenges and I work.<br />
She is a teen and it will be hard for her to go through this and we just<br />
haven\'t figured out who will care for her needs and then his. Just seems<br />
some days the other stuff gets in the way and I\'m trying to figure it out<br />
but then I think wait we will see how it goes. You really do have to take<br />
it day by day. Just frustrating like you said. We are just starting to<br />
grasp things yet alone figure out all the details.<br />
<br />
So glad you wrote and so glad you are proof the journey can be frustrating<br />
but well worth it.<br />
<br />
Kat<br />

Thank you for writing...I am so glad to have found this site...all these connections are making me feel like we are not alone. Yeah we are just going into all...he had his tonsils removed almost a week ago and a biopsy done. He is in a lot of pain but getting by. Soon to find out when he starts treatment. If you work did you continue to work? Just looking at everything to see how we can continue on with things and not let Cancer take us over.

Hi Kat -
You can begin to feel very isolated and alone in this since you might feel you're the only ones going thru it. But you're not alone - there's a huge patient community out here willing to help. You may find that in your personal life, there are friends who will ask "what can i do to help". And this is where you're going to be honest. There are going to be times when you'll need support as the primary caregiver. It could mean someone providing you coverage in the house, or doing some shopping, or transporting your daughter to places she needs to get to. You might feel that the slightest request means weakness - but it's not. Maybe you want to get away for an evening - don't be reluctant. You'll need some decompression time as well. It will be difficult on your daughter as well as it could be on anyone challenged or not. Find out if where your husband will be treated has any available social services who can help you map and plan. It's going to take some work - but sometimes focusing on the details can also help you in taking individual steps towards solutions. One step at a time - it's an old piece of advice but so valuable under these circumstances. There are also patient support organizations like SPOHNC (Support for People with Oral Head and Neck Cancer) who can provide you face-to-face contact as well as over the phone or email. Look them up on the web - tell 'em Jeff sent you!! 🙂

The also have a matching program where based upon your husband's diagnosis and treatment plan, they'll match you up with another survivor who has gone thru similar circumstances.And that experience can provide you incredibly helpful insight into what you're facing immediately and what you'll have to work around down the line.

Don't go it alone if you can - and don't isolate yourself or let your husband isolate himself. He also is facing some questions about his own vulnerability and his capability of taking care of his family. But all workable - takes some focus and some time.

Please don't hesitate to reach out - someone you both can speak to and hold hands with is invaluable.

Always remember - you are not alone. We just proved that right here. 🙂

- Jeff

One more suggestion - there's a book I had picked up to look at not too long ago - How To Be A Friend To A Friend Who's Sick. Lots of helpful support suggestions for both the patient and the caregiver.

- J.

Hi Kat, Phil also had his tonsils removed and it was very painful for him. Once his treatment starts u will feel a lot better as they will guide and support you every step of the way.I don\'t work and Phil has a part time job who were also very supportive Are u in the States ? We are both from Liverpool. I know exactly how you are feeling as I\'ve been there and I can\'t lie to you it\'s not an easy ride. But it will be worth it !! If you would like to email me at any stage let me know and I will pass my details on to you. Keep your chin up.<br />
Wendy x

Hi Jeff...thanks once again! You are right about all...and especially asking for help...I do feel weak when I ask but I shouldn't and neither should my husband. When he was going into surgery he said so sorry to be dragging you through this. I told him he isn't dragging...I come willingly so we can help each other. I still don't believe he gets it. We have both been caregivers for our daughter as most parents are but I'm saying for all her needs, then I was caregiver for my father who had alzehimers...you would think we were old pros at this but we aren't. Each thing is different in its own way...I started calling things journey's and this is our new journey. Thank you for all the advice and just thanks...I will def look up the support organization. And your right it was proven and I don't feel like I did this morning. It helps me so much to be able to write about this and just everything...we aren't alone...thank you!!

Thank you Wendy and yes the anticipation of what is next is just really getting to me today. His next appt isn't for awhile...I guess to let the tonsil area heal and it's just weird waiting til they give him a plan. Yes, we are in the States. I speak, well, write to several people in the UK because my daughter has a genetic disorder and we are on a support group for it and everyone is on facebook of course. It would be great to keep in touch with you so yes, please send me details. Thanks!!

Kat my email address is wendy-keith@sky.com. Don't hesitate to call me x